01/11/14

Heart of a man, love of an angel ...

I've been trying to sum up the inspiration and strengh to write this post.
In a attempt to put all i was feeling and to make sense of it, i wrote a draft almost 2 pages long ... 
I needed to put all that i couldn't say into paper.
I needed time alone to allow myself to let out all of the unwanted emotions i was bottling up, before it was to late ...
Trying to come up with the right things to say isn't easy, specially like this.



My emotions get the best out of me ...
It's a problem that i keeep constantly having to deal with ...
I have to be a little silent, just to get my thoughts cleared and acknowlegde 
what i have to do ...
And sometimes, some hard decisions have to be made, in order to make the best 
that I have to give to everyone and everything.
I wrote almost page and a half about my up bringing.
This was a mere introduction to what i had to really say about the various situations 
that i'm currently dealing with ...
Little by little, i decided to make this post happen ... And here it is ... 

Along my life, I always tried to be a good person. Not a perfect one, as i wanted ... 
With that, came all the support system that gave myself a reputation, or more 
a notion about who i was to others, Whether be in real life or in the online world.
As i go through my posts, i found my first post of this year. 
And i say that when i wrote that, i mean everything and so much more ...
That so much more is what i'm about to show to everyone ...


Percy Slegde had a song called " When a man loves a woman " ...
He tells that when a man loves a woman, he does everything because she is the one 
he loves ... 
I agree ... But, there's a twist on this ... He doesn't have a song called " When a man 
loves women " ...
The very concept of loving women gives space to so many things, that some of them,
I heard through my life. 
I was raised by women, and so, when i say i love women and they are special to me, 
I'm not in any kind of concept saying that i just see women as sexual creatures.
Life and Love taught me to see them as a whole. 
Giving that my values towards women, are the highest and that i don't like when
anyone is doing something wrong to them, i get sometimes all kinds of insults and 
all kinds of misconceptions about the way i say that.
My heart is a man's heart, it's naturaly designed to be a lover ...
And there's another word that gets a bad rep, all because, of the concept of being 
a cheater ... 
No man who really loves, cheats. He prefers to get himself hurt, rather than, hurting 
a woman.
Then again, is me saying that, and sometimes is old-fashion. So, i'm a old-fashion kind 
of man.
I Love ... That's it, that's who i am as a human being. Even though, i have my flaws.
Loving sometimes can be tough, because of all of the hard decisions you have to make,
not to hurt or to place someone in suffering.
Loving on a very deep level can, sometimes, be even more difficult.
This is my position right now.
My heart was broken, yet, all i do is just say, be happy. And i mean it. 
I still love that person, i just don't want to get hurt again.
So, I love them like an angel. Someone who cares deeply about them, someone
that wants them to be happy and smiling, but, that's it. Nothing more than that.
And it's hard when you have to say that to someone who you shared deep and intimate
moments with you. Again, the heart says, it's better this way. You still have the love 
and affection of a friendship, but, otherwise, it can't be.
And that's the sacrifice i make. I choose to cherish and lead by example, showing that
even with my heart broken, i Love them. In a very deep and meaningful way.
It's an honour to carry their love through me ... 
Yet, i'm a one woman kind of guy. I may love my female friends, but, i only have space 
for one. And that one is going to be who i spend the rest of my life with.
That's who i am ... That's what love means to me ...
It's never easy, but, it's who i am. 

Nothing more, Nothing less. Just like the title says, heart of a man, love of an angel.


Live, Learn, Love 

Namaste, 

WTA 

   



12/10/14

Random Acts of Kindness

Hello ...

I decided to write down something, because, A- I tend to forget if i don't write down what i want to and B- It's something worth writting and sharing with all of you ...

I have to apologize if my writting isn't very simple, it's just because i have so much to do and so much to work through and if i don't put all in, i will lose my mind over it.

In the midst of all the chaos going on around me and inside me, there's moments when i 
stumble upon myself doing something out of ordinary. 
And when i look back at them, i realize that all i did was just a spur of the moment thing.
Something i usualy not do often because of many factors.

I decided to call them " Random Acts of Kindness." 
Because, all i create is just a suprise and a memory for the person.

The first one that i realized i did, was back in June 7. 
I had my gear ready to do a book release event, but, I  was, for unknown reasons, 
not feeling in to do or even be at the event. 
But, the gentleman and friend side of me, insisted that i had to do it, since this was
a book release by one of my publishing friends, and did have a postcard to deliver, 
as a suprise to her. 
I wandered around town and sat down near the river. ( check my photo album ) 
This was almost in the begining of the afternoon, so, people just enjoying themselves,
enjoying the scenary. And me, in need of some relaxation.
My mind was going rampid wild. I was tired of walking around with my gear, and i needed
just a moment to calm down.
So, i sat near a girl who was lying in the floor, reading a book. 
The moment i looked at her, something went off. 
She was just there, with no worries, just being herself.
I couldn't stop looking at her. Thank God i was wearing my sunglasses. 
No, i didn't have the pervert look. I was just trying to come to my senses of what 
was happening. Looking around, looking into the river in front of me. 
Looking for reasons of why was this happening. 
Suddenly, i took my faithful paper notebook and in my mind a song played in my 
head, over and over again to the point i was singing just for me. 
The song is called " Loucos de Lisboa ", which is roughly translated as " Fools of Lisbon ",
and describes just the plain innocence of a fool in Lisbon, and their abilty to make 
us believe in their imagination.
And i started to write a poem to this girl, right next to me.
The words just rushed into the paper. I had to write them down. It was imperative.
After all this, my mind went into a stall.
" What was i going to do with what i just wrote ? ".
 "I could keep it for myself or i just go there and deliver this to her."
That's what i thought. I waited and thought hard. and again, my senses said that
the only thing i had to do was to deliver the poem to her, since, this poem was not
about me, it rightfully belonged to the girl.
So, as i'm about to leave, i ripped the page of and out on a limb approached her.
Said that i was sorry that i was looking too much at her, that i was a poet and 
i wrote this poem for her.
Her reaction was a litlle bit suprised, not knowing how to react to this guy, who
was being nice to her and also delivering a poem that he wrote. She thanked me.
And i thanked her, wished her a nice afternoon, and moved along...
I didn't sign the paper. Didn't put my facebook or any type of contact.
I didn't take her picture also.
All i did was just responding almost to a calling inside of me.
I had to do that. For no particular reason. It gave me a smile.
Long story short, I went to the event, set my gear up and 15 minutes later, 
I had to leave. Basicaly, i think now, i had a panic attack.
Later that evening, i posted this story in my profile and my writer and poet friends,
liked the uniqueness of this ..
For those of you who don't know, I write some things, that people call poetry, 
in my language. And when i say that i write some things, it's because, 
I don't consider myself a writer or a poet. I just do something that i love.

I thought that was going to be an isolated act. 
But, it happened again, in the same place, this time circunstances and the girl was
different. 
I was with my friend talking to him, showing some advice to him on some matters.
And since writting is somewhat therapheutic, i said to him to write something down,
as i was going to do some photos.
Went across the sidewalk just looking around, doing some random photos.
And then, i came across this girl that was stting down, almost in the same place
where the other was and she was writting and having a warm drink.
Again, i was immediately drawn to her. This time, it was because the cover of her
notebook, was the poster of one of my all time favourite movies " The fabulous destiny
of Amélie."
And i rushed towards my bag to take my pen and notebook and said to him,
Wait for me. I'm going to do something crazy again.
Sat next to her. Wrote the poem called " Tea and words ".
With no hesitation, delivered the poem. She was very suprised also, but, cheerful about
it. She was foreign and understood what i was giving to her. 
This time putted my facebook profile, if she wanted to see the photo ...
Her reaction was beautiful, big smile, huge thanks to me. 
Putted a big smile on me.

So, " Randoms acts of Kindness " are these moments. 
When, without thinking, i just give someone a suprise and a memory.
It's not about the gesture, i think is all about putting a smile and making
of a memory. 

And the proof ?

Here's the proof ...



So, i guess, in the midst of all of chaos, I still have time to do
" Random Acts of Kindness"...

Namaste 

Live, Learn, Love

03/09/14

Where you've been ??? Where are you ???

This is what i get from staying low for a while.
Just as i'm trying to collect all the stuff i wrote in paper, all my scribbles and drafts, aka,
poems and some love letters and some other stuff, I get a sense on how much chaotic
my life is right now.
When i started this blog, i wanted to write about positive things. And my ethics on the blog is: if i don't have anything goood to say to anyone, i just stay silent.
These couple of months have been a roller coaster.
A BIG learning curve in one way, and a lot of chaos entering through the main gate.
So, just before i entered a serious "crash and burn" state, i decided to lay for a while.
No friend of mine has the right to see me being rude and being unapologetic about something i did out of just plain complete bad mind state.
So, I rather be laying low, than to be a party killer for anyone ...
I am far away from everyone including myself.
I'm just not ready yet to talk or to post somethings on the G+ side of life.
There's a lot going on, and, i'm just struggling to get myself straighten out.
Where am I ? Honestly, i don't know the answer to that.
I'm just trying to maintain my mind into not thinking other things ...
I don't have a answer to give to you when i'm going to be back to my normal self.
Maybe, i will never be on my normal self. Maybe, i just building a new state of being me.
And all i know is that i don't want to bother you with things that only i can understand.
So, where am i ?? My profile pic, says everything ...
So, i'm sorry if i can't say where i am ...
Namaste ...

Live, Learn, Love ...

24/02/14

To my Mom ( Tribute to Motherhood )

This post s going to be one of the most difficult i write.
Because, it's going to talk about someone i owe my life.

A person who, even with her flaws, just wanted to be happy.
And that person is my mom ...
On march 9, it will be 2 years of her passage. 
And as a son, i had some issues with her. 
But, despite all of that, i loved her.
After all said and done, she left me so much in me and to me.
All I do is because, she was a human being on her path.
The day she died was surreal. But, in the end, i knew she was at peace.
Not suffering. That was truly important to me.
I try to honour her by being the man she taught me to be.
Taught to be a friends friend, taught to help and give a help in hand.
Taught how you should treat a woman. How to be a husband almost.
She was actually collecting things for when i got married or live with someone.
She wanted grandchildren, but, given my situation, she knew it was hard.
Now, i see the miracle of motherhood, coming to the daugher of my friend and
fellow blogger, +TheHip Grandmother
And i know for certain that baby Victoria, will have plenty of love, from both mom, 
grandmom and extended family.
I know that for all that i know, i just scratch the surface of what is truly mothehood.
Yet, is to all of my female friends who have the blessing of having sons and daughters,
that i try to write what it means to be a mother.
But, most specially to my girlfriend ...
Knowing her struggle now happily finished, makes me feel more humbled.
I saw how much motherhood meant to her. Despite all things she had to go through.
That made me feel so utterly small and so mesmerized.
How i can give to this woman, just a small part of the love she gives to her son ?
That's when i remembered how my mom struggled to have money to pay the bills.
To keep her house afloat.
And with all that meant and not having the support of a man who truly helped and supported her and her son.
That's the challenge i face ...
Motherhood is a proof that Love is what we all have inside of us.
A mother is someone who is there to guide and to protect. 
To help and to confort in a moment of need.
And her undeniable Love is one of the most treasured presents the world has to give.
So, My big Thank You to all the mothers o the world who with love, change the world 
and leave the world with a sense of acomplishment, so honourful and so, sometimes,
forgotten.
I will put down 2 videos that i think they reprensent what is a mother.
See you all in another post ...

Love you Mom ... Your Son ...

Live, Learn, Love.






27/01/14

Learning and loving even more the most beautiful beings in the world, women.

Hi everyone !! Happy 2014 for you all !!
So, i decided to take this year to change a lot of things about myself.
Not some resolutions that i couldn't stick with.
Some real ones. Just because, i want to achieve my dreams and be in peace
with everything around me.
Things in my love life are on their way. I just have to be patient and do my part.
I'm still the man who likes to be a true friend and help.
I just will be more truthful to my values.
Still, it is in my troubled moments that Love reveals another thing to me.
Since i was a little boy, my main family were mostly female.
Because, i didn't have a father figure, i putted the roll on the female
who resembled mostly that part, which was and still is to this day, my grandmother.
While my mom took care of me, it was my grandmother who teached me about
values of honesty, work ethics and responsibility towards everything.
I was surrounded by women all my time.
And I couldn't be more fascinated and astonished by them.
But yet, i was just a little kid, trying to understand how the grown-up world worked.
Gone were the days of my childhood, and on to my teens, the most hard time for me.
Still, i was intrigued by the other side.
Most of them, were discovering Love and boys.
Boys were discovering their roles and their sexuality.
I, on the other hand, i just observed others, and tried to interact with some of them.
It were troubled times for me.
The more i tried to learn, the worst my situations grew.
So, i didn't have any girlfriend, because, i lacked the fundamentals of a boy.
I was always the kid who was picked upon. I had no "game" with the girls, just because,
i grew with a certain type of values, teached by family.
Yet, girls liked me as a friend. I had no problems with that, the only problem was when the boundaries of friendship were a little bit blurry.
And again, i tried to understand what they were thinking when they picked boys who were treating them like i was taught not to.
I wanted them to see me as the guy who would treat them the way i was to taught.
Anyway, i grew up knowing that girls wouldn't see me as boyfriend material, so, i just accepted that and moved on ...
Yet again, i sticked to my principles and values.
What i discovered in the midst of all this, was that either them or me were wrong.
They are just working things out for themselves. Sometimes, they get it right, sometimes, they don't. 
Yes, i tried to help some of them, into getting a better and a truthful version of themselves, so that they could achieve what they want. 
And what amazes me is the potential that they show in some things.
Specially mothers. Well, all mums don't come with a instruction book, saying that this is the way you handle them. But, from what i've seen through out my life is simply incredible and never ceases to amaze me.
I writting this to honour and also make my statement about what motherhood represents to me. 
Right now, i found out that one of my facebook girl friend is a grandmother.
She said that when she was holding her grandchild it brought her back 24 years back,

when she was delivering her daughter. 
And the same thing is happening as i write with my g+ and fellow blogger +TheHip Grandmother. Seeing the excitment and the hope of a newborn, makes me astonished of
how much a woman can stand. 
Her daugther showed a picture on her facebook profile of the anatomical view of birth and implied that men couldn't endure that.
That made me recall the video of the future dads that were exposed to a experiment in order to them to feel what is almost birth pains.
All of them, aggreed and were amused on what their respective other have to go through.
And remember this was only done with some electrodes on their stomach area and apllied some shocks to mimic contractions.
Besides that, their whole perspective changes just because of this human being that was created.
Women are much more than we can imagine. 
Just because i'm a man, doesn't mean that i don't have anything to offer them.
Actually, what i offer to my special someone goes way beyond what she really deserves.
Yet, I offer that with honour and Love ... 
In writting this post, I wanted to say how much appreciation i can't describe towards them. Specially, the ones that i love ... 
And i say to them all, that I can only be honoured to be taught by them, how much important they really are in life ... 
So, Thank you to all Women. But, more specially to the ones that i carry in my heart.
Bless you with all the Love that i can give to you, as a sign of gratefulness.
Namaste !!! 

Live, Learn, Love

WTA